The Faith of a Pizza Crow

…And in your lonely flight
Haven't you heard the music in the night?
Wonderful music
Faint as a will o' the wisp
Crazy as a loon, Sad as a gy**y serenading the moon.

Oh Skylark
I don't know if you can find these things
But my heart is riding on your wings
So if you see them anywhere
Won't you lead me there?

~ From “Skylark”, written by Johnny Mercer

Hey there, it’s been a while!

Dig if you will, a picture: Last week, on the way downtown, I saw a Crow pick up a slice of pizza on the side of the freeway, and fly away with it. It’s important that you really understand what I’ve just told you. This wasn’t any random bird picking up a crust of bread and flying to the nest. This was a huge crow that picked up a full-on New York slice of pizza that was as big, if not bigger than his body and flew off with it. There was no way of knowing how far that bird had to go to get home, or even if he liked pepperoni. This dang bird saw a prize, swept down in Los Angeles rush hour traffic between cars, and snatched someone’s leftovers. What kind of crazy reckless faith is that?! How did the bird know that it could carry it?! I guess that’s not for us to know. It can only inspire us to recognize our own need for reckless, crazy faith. Perhaps it’s just a sign for my Uber driver and me.

Right now, for me, things are in a weird purgatory-like state at the moment. I’ve just closed out one of the greatest creative years of my life (so far) with an Emmy nomination, a spot in my second Writers’ Room (an unannounced project at the moment, very hush hush), and a move across the country to continue living the dream. I loved that second job, which took everything that I learned from my first writers’ room position (with the groundbreaking HBO series A Black Lady Sketch Show), and allowed me to expand myself as a writer by allowing me to write my first three solo episodes of television. Both shows were challenging, glittery, silly, and fun in a myriad of ways. Both shows changed me for the better, personally and professionally. Now I am waiting for the next adventure.

Like most TV writers of late, I’m navigating an industry in incredible flux. Everybody is leaning forward with bated breath to see what will result from the latest rounds of negotiations. Writers are worried. We’re sitting in the in-between, waiting for a call, any call, that will lead to a new show (or a returning one). It’s a weird place, knowing that you have the Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent (shout out to RuPaul) that potential showrunners are looking for, but also not sure if that will be enough to sustain you financially.

So what can you do? You apply for part time jobs to make ends meet. You plop yourself in front of your laptop and write samples. This is your chance to write the shows that you dreamt of writing when you were a kid. The only limit is the amount of sweat equity and passion you decide to sink into it. Why do you write? You write to catch the attention of those in the industry that can offer you another rung on the ladder of your career. You write because you need to keep your creative muscles moving and because sitting and waiting makes you feel like you’ve given up. You write because despite everything else, you still want to make your mark on the television and film landscape.

You write to maintain the same hope that got you started on this crazy journey. Crazy Reckless Hope, and Faith.

I’ve never been good at accepting gray areas. I like to know where I’m going, where I’ve come from, and exactly what I’m going to do in the middle. Despite that delusion that I have any sort of control over the Jeremy Bearimy path my life has taken, I’ve found myself in the middle quite a few times. Each time feels like the first time, each time feels like it is the scenario that I won’t make it out of. But I always do, sometimes by the skin of my teeth, and always at the right time. The gray area was always just a waiting room.

So what do I do now? Well, I can just wait, twiddling my thumbs and freaking myself out by thinking of ways that this time things won’t work in my favor. Or I can just believe that that big, magical, seemingly impossible slice of Pizza is going to find me when it’s time for it to happen. I just have to be ready to grab it without obsessing about how difficult or crazy it will be.

Now, will this faith keep me from feeling afraid of what’s next? Of course not. I’m terrified that my faith and my funding will run out before I get hired again. Believe me, I have already shed tears on FaceTime with my Mom. But that won’t make the magic happen any faster, no matter how much I want it to just happen.

So I wait, and I write the scripts for shows that my heart needs to create with the hope that they will reach the right hands to help me keep going. It’s the only variable I have control of, that, and the knowledge of what I bring to the Writers’ Room table. I actually just wrote a wild, spooky, scary, and fun show pilot that I am so in love with, a Multicam Comedy that takes American Horror Story and turns it to a Family Matters/Full House-style sitcom, complete with learning moments and laugh tracks. While I am nervous about the future, I’m so thankful to have the time and ability to write the things that make my heart smile (even if it’s pretty scary and bloody).

So bring on the pizza. Pepperoni and Mushroom, if possible.